Dear reader,
As April waltzes into the present, I find my fidgety brain craving the outdoors despite the blazing heat. Golden oriole sightings become more frequent as they enter their mating season and the babblers venture even closer into my balcony, keeping us company at lunch. Bulbuls build nests in the oddest of spots, between pipes in the cellar and at the edge of the kitchen balcony hidden by tall palm leaves, flashing a glimpse of red in the quiet of the morning.
I spend my time languidly writing by day, and furiously reading at night, having fully submerged myself into a world of Sarah J. Maas’ creation. But between these two pursuits, I rest in the familiar and cool embrace of unanswered questions and unsolvable situations.
March, and the first quarter of the year, have seemed more haphazard than usual, periods of frenzy enveloped by the kind of quiet that’s stirring. And from the quiet, here are the questions and thoughts that have emerged, that even chaos couldn’t drive away.
In the process of learning to draw boundaries and prevent myself from entering situations that will only hurt me, I’ve realised that this method isn’t foolproof. Not unless I’m willing to cut everyone out. It turns out that even the people you love on a daily basis, can sometimes turn toxic, for just a little bit. And perhaps, in our own ways, we all are toxic. And learning how to cope with, deciding how much of that we are willing to cope with, is the only way forward.
I often call myself an ocean. An ocean of unanswered questions, an ocean of hope, an ocean that’s blue and breezy and soothing. But the other day, it struck me, that we haven’t even scratched the surface of what lives and thrives in the deep ocean; Of the magic and the darkness that lies in wait. And there is so little we know about ourselves too - about our life and our own true self. Each day, if we are truly fortunate, teaches us something about our own self.
In the past, fear of losing has kept me away from things, away from people. But if you don’t risk losing it all, you can’t really gain, can you?
Flying over the Persian Gulf, P points out stars to me that lie so far out of our reach, seemingly at the edge of the horizon. It makes me ask myself what else he’s shown me in this life that I wouldn’t have looked at, truly seen, if not for him? What have the people in your life opened your eyes to?
Hidden things have a way of making their way out into the open. And the more you attempt to cover them up, the more blatantly they seem to shine in the light of the morning sun.
Gentleness and strength are supposed to be dichotomous. But if you think about it, they really aren’t. It takes a great amount of strength to stay gentle, through life’s myriad twists and turns.
POSTCARDS FROM MARCH
As March has gone by, I've tied anxiety to my side and dragged it with me everywhere I've gone, crying on the inside and sometimes on the outside too. But I've also found a way to sometimes bid it goodbye, to ignore it and look at the flowers that bloom in my path 🌼🌷🌻🪷💐
And perhaps that is all I can ask for: to always find flowers blooming in the midst of my anxiety 🪻
I found out recently that April, originates from the Latin word aperire, which means ‘to open’. And perhaps this refers to spring and the way flowers bloom at this time of the year. So I find myself hoping that this April, I’ll find it inside me, in the very midst of my introverted nature, to open up too.
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Love,
Sukriti
Look forward to every newsletter of yours.😊👏